


It's Not Healthy, But Here I Am

by ColdGoldLazarus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief, Grieving, Implied Character Death, Jossed, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:56:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdGoldLazarus/pseuds/ColdGoldLazarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose knows that this method of grieving is not healthy for her mind, but since she's thrown sanity out the window anyways, it's not like it matters much now, does it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Healthy, But Here I Am

\-- TentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering EctoBiologist [EB] at ?:?? --

TT: This is not a healthy way to grieve.  
TT: My experience in psychology taught me that much.  
TT: And yet here I am.  
TT: This program is now the only way I have to truly communicate, at least so I am understood.  
TT: The shock of your death drove the Horrorterrors from my mind, but they have left their mark, and every time I use the Thorns, they creep back in again, slow but sure.  
TT: I’m afraid that I’ll be lost for good this time.  
TT: …  
TT: But to be honest, if I had to trade my freedom for you living, I’d like to think that I’d give it all away in an instant.  
TT: I miss you.  
TT: We all do.  
TT: Dave and Jade are cautious, skittish around me.  
TT: I can’t say I blame them, what with my stubborn throes and broodfester speech.  
TT: But it hurts all the same.  
TT: Dave has said nothing, but I think he thinks _I_ killed you.  
TT: Jade has been slightly less mistrusting, but she’s still leery of me for the other reasons stated above.  
TT: She’s been trying to help, in her own way, distracting us from the empty hole you left behind, from my own issues, keeping us focused on planning the Scratch.  
TT: Bridging the gap between me and my brother.  
TT: If we make it through this, I will be sure to give her the gushiest ‘thank you’ possible.  
TT: But in my current state of mind, I don’t think anything I could say could do her efforts proper justice.  
TT: …  
TT: I don’t know why Jack left.  
TT: Perhaps just sadism, leaving me alone with half the people I care about dead, or perhaps intimidated by the power of my… sponsors.  
TT: (damn, I repeated ‘perhaps’)  
TT: (My vocabulary is failing me.)  
TT: Would you know that I envy him?  
TT: At least he’s free.  
TT: Even if it’s to kill people and tear apart lives, at least it’s his own choice.  
TT: I used to hate him.  
TT: Now I’m just numb.  
TT: …  
TT: I was so surprised.  
TT: …  
TT: In the castle, when you mentioned… what Karkat said, I was surprised.  
TT: I hadn’t thought about it much, and at this point, even with all the mental maturing forced upon us by circumstances, I’m still not yet ready to go that far this soon.  
TT: But… In the long run, later on…  
TT: I wouldn’t have been adverse to the idea.  
TT: But now it’s a moot point.  
TT: Because you’re gone.  
TT: And now I’m crying  
TT: mysleevs are smered with snot now  
TT: im sory you didnt need to hear that.  
TT: john  
TT: i missyou

\-- TentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering EctoBiologist [EB] at ?:?? --

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two weeks ago, before it was confirmed that indeed, Egbert is Still Alive. Just consider it an AU now. :I
> 
> Because of my nooby noobity noobishness, I was unable to get text colors working. :/ Oh, well; it's all just a wall of pink anyway.
> 
> Oh, yeah. I'm operating under the assumption that by this point, no matter what Rose does, she'll be playing into the ~~hands~~ tentacles of the horrorterrors... because they know what she'll do, and it it happens to coincide with their plans. Thus that comment about Jack having free will and Rose envying him for it.


End file.
